You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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