i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
