I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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