when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
