Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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