it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
