everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
