Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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