dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
