so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
