I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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