I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
