So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
