So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
