how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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