Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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