im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
