I am spending my child support on dildos
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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