I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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