you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
