but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
