i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
