Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
