I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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