Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
