so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
