no, he came in my armpit
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
