I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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