I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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