Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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