DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
