I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
