Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
