After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize