when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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