It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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