Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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