But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
