I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize