all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
