The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
