Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
