His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
