Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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