I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
