I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
