ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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