her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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