Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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