We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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