he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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