the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
