Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
