Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
