Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wear drunk well.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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