All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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