eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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