im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
