I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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