your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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