well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
