Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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