My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize