i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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