it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
