Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
