U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
