He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And then he peed in my hair
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