she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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