DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
