Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
